I want to make the Ferry

 

One night, Allie and I almost missed this ferry. There was a storm. There was a fight. We kept missing turns. Our gas light came on. We went 90 mph in a 50 mph zone in front of a highway patrol. The officer didn't chase us down. We saw the lights of the open garage at 8:28 pm. It was leaving at 8:30. They usually close gates at 8:15. The gate keeper let us through. We pulled into the ferry garage and I put my face in my hands and sobbed. Sobbed. We made the ferry.

I just want to make the ferry. Don't we all? We just want it to be as good as we believe it can or should or is meant to be. We all want to cross over the darkness we feel is insurmountable in our lives. We all want to cross over and change and become and see the other side and feel loved and known and not lost and we don't want to come up short or mess it up or be left behind. We are all scarce. We are all scared. We are all racing and wondering if we are screwing it all up with every mile we speed through the highways of our lives. Are we going to make it? Are we going to get it? Are we deserving of what we actually want in this life? On this night, March 12, 2018, the Universe answered with an unequivocal

YES

&

YES

&

YES

We will cross over. 

Dream Big

LDS newsroom released this article this week and it is right in line with my hopes and dreams for this world, and at the heart of the Work I need to do while I am alive: 

Stability relies on the wellbeing of women. Foreign policy scholar Valerie Hudson asserts “there is a strong and highly significant link between state security and women’s security. In fact, the very best predictor of a state’s peacefulness is not its level of wealth, its level of democracy, or its ethno-religious identity; the best predictor of a state’s peacefulness is how well its women are treated.”[9]

A world where women are empowered to follow their conscience is a world of greater peace and possibility.

Life's Purpose

MaryB died this week and I am a crying mess today and the sun is out but I am not and I feel like i just want to wake up and stop being a sad little baby about everything in my life. I want to be free and whole and full and awake and I want to be Light.  I want to give something to this world instead of taking all it's sadness and loss. I want to be something in this world other than selfishness and laziness and lack of action. I want to run and not be weary, walk and not faint, I want my bones to carry me to places I need to be. I believe there are places and specific people I have yet to meet, faces that I have to see and love and listen to. I want to be Pilate from Morrison's mind and a bit of Emily Madsen's confidence and Ashley Longshore's dancing pump up videos and Clark Goldsberry's enthusiasm energy and ability to ASK, and Brene Brown's storytelling and opening global conversations about shame, vulnerability, and connection, Lin Miranda's songs and hand gestures when he talks about things he cares about, and Sufjan's Red Rock Concert in 2016 when he decided to LIVE. These people GIVE the world something it didn't even know it needed. They give something to the World that the World doesn't even deserve or ask for. They give us and the world something elevated, transcending, and above the norm and smog and hatred and traffic and selfish billboards and advertisements. They give something of God to this super broken, bleeding, unfixable world of ours. Nothing can fix this evil place, but these people show me that we can become more than what the World says we can. They show me beauty and hope and I hear my own symphonies, sounds, images, and dreams call to me and I know I must give the same. I must give something of myself or I am not fully living. My purpose is to give something of God that can only come out of me. I have to give it. I have to find it. Or I will be sad.

Feeling Small

Crater Lake, Oregon, June 2014

Why is important to feel small?

Dallas Clayton

  
Dallas Clayton - Carson Daly from Dallas Clayton on Vimeo.


What inspires you about his story?

Maryn McCombie

 

Why are we scared to dream?
 

Why are we scared to break away from what others (society, friends, family, etc.) expect of us even when we know they may be wrong?
 
Think of someone who's presence or attitude liberates you. What does that feel like? What is that person like?

Open Your Windows

In a recent concert I attended, the Singer/Songwriter performing paused to talk about despair and suffering. He said that often we are our own worst enemy. This is his wisdom:

[Despair] is an unnecessary thing, I believe it's self-perpetuating. And I know that in my darkest hour, a lot of times I am chewing the cud of my own sorrow. And that's dangerous, because there is Light all around you, you just have to lift up your head and look in the periphery. We put blankets over our heads, and blinders; we close all the windows, pull all the blinds. It's very dangerous to do that.

Open Your Windows. -Sufjan Stevens, Portland, OR, 6/2015